I've been thinking a lot about the food available in my office lately, simply because there's so much of it. It's actually a bit ridiculous. To start, on Tuesdays we always have breakfast delivered - although since it's bagels and oversized, sugary muffins, it's not the sort of breakfast I eat. We also now have a new pattern of having an executive from our California office always visiting. In an attempt to raise morale, it seems like they're going to be providing lunch most Thursdays, but again, the pizza isn't something I generally eat, particularly with the dairy allergy. This week is particularly over the top, since it's my manager who's visiting. Today he took a couple of us out to lunch, and tomorrow night he's taking some of us out to dinner. And Fridays, we often get donuts.
In addition to that, when our office administrator is on top of things, there's always a full candy dish at the front desk, and often various snacks, such as pretzels, trail mix, Twizzlers, microwave popcorn, cereal bars, chips, soda, and random other things. Sometimes she also makes chocolate chip cookies in the toaster oven, and occasionally we get fresh fruit, such as bananas, oranges, and apples. But the fruit, the only provided food I generally eat, is much rarer than the rest of it.
While I realize that many people would be excited to have their workplace provide so much food, it makes my life extremely difficult. If there are things I can avoid, such as the Tuesday breakfast and lunches on Thursday, I do, eating my own food instead. What's especially challenging this week is that I ate too much this weekend, and having all this food around, and meals at restaurants that I'm expected to attend, makes it very difficult to get back on track.
This sort of quandary is not new. Just yesterday, I came across a journal entry from August 14, 2002, in which I wrote: "Everyone else went to [the local restaurant] David's, but I stuck with my own lunch. I also opted out of dinner, which would have been seafood. I realize that I may be rather odd at this point for avoiding going to eat assiduously, whereas most people would welcome being treated to meal at a high-end restaurant. Maybe someday I won't have to worry so much about it."
Given this past week, I have to wonder if that day of not worrying will ever come. I suspect it won't, which doesn't truly surprise me; I knew that this commitment to maintaining my weight would be lifelong. And I'm okay with that, because while I still worry some about what I'm eating, I don't have to worry as much. I know, now, that if I'm careful, I'll get back to where I want to be and back to enjoying all the wonderful food around me.