I keep thinking that I should have learned this by now. Or rather, that I should remember to put what I’ve learned in practice, instead of managing to mess myself up time and again. The problem is with food and sleep. If I eat too much by a certain amount, I don’t sleep at all well. This then results in me feeling tired the next day, and in some cases eating more food to try to stay awake, which then means I don’t sleep well that night, either.
This is the case I ran into the past couple of days, and it’s a really vicious cycle. In addition to gaining three pounds in two days (which still doesn’t seem like it should be possible, and it’s not remotely fair that it IS possible), I feel tired and upset to my stomach and upset with myself for eating more than I know I should. I mean, I’ve been on this weight loss/maintenance gig for over nine years now. It seems like it shouldn’t still be a struggle, but sometimes, it is.
Then again, perhaps this is a good thing. It helps put things in perspective, reminding me that while I did lose over 100 pounds, this doesn’t mean that I’m perfect, or better than other people. Far from it. And these days when I don’t do what I should be doing, this is very apparent, because I tend to get rather surly and snappish with other people, mostly because I’m exhausted and upset with myself and sometimes take that out on others.
It reminds me, too, to be more considerate of others struggling with weight, and to remember how it felt when I was younger, when it seemed like any setback, no matter how small, was monumental and irreversible. It’s good to know that it’s not, and I wish I could tell my younger self that. Since I can’t, I remind my current self of that, try to reign in the surliness, and hope that I get back on track enough to finally sleep well and wake with renewed energy. Sweet dreams.