I recently saw this article and clip about fat girls and dating, and it raised a lot of good points about what heavy women face in the world of relationships. While the video may speak for the majority (although I don’t really know), it’s also true that not all men avoid fat women. In fact, some men prefer more curves and heft, or at least aren’t bothered by it.
Dating, though, is a two-way street, and the article only tells one part of the story, that of men not wanting to date a fat woman. The other side is that it doesn’t matter how willing the guy is if the woman is unable to accept or even recognize the interest.
For myself, when I was in high school and college, I knew that other fat girls and women dated and had sex. But it always seemed like they inhabited a parallel universe, one out of sync with mine.
In my world, I literally could not conceive of a guy wanting to be in a relationship with me. Sleep with me, maybe – as the video points out, sex is not necessarily the issue. Some guys may even prefer obese women because they may have low expectations and take whatever attention they can get, even if it’s just physical.
But someone actually interested in my thoughts, liking me and wanting to spend time with me and hold my hand? I barely liked myself much of the time, and I knew too well the darkness of my thoughts and feelings. No one would really want to be around me – or at least, that’s what I believed. It didn’t help that my initial (if limited) interactions with boys my age were with those who were only interested in taking advantage of my poor self-image.
It meant that even when a couple of genuinely nice guys seemed interested, I failed to recognize it. As with many others who have low self-esteem, my mind and heart simply couldn’t grasp the concept of someone truly liking me for myself, especially not in a romantic way. I couldn’t accept what was offered.
So if we think about changing the dating world for fat girls, I think it would need to address both issues. That being said, it’s encouraging to see any recognition or dialogue around this. Awareness, after all, is the first step, and it’s hard to be aware of these issues when those who don’t experience them never even see or hear them.