As I enter the last phases of publishing my memoir, Winning the Losing Battle: A True Story of Weight Loss and Transformation, the reality of it is starting to sink in. And I’ll be honest. It’s scary.
Then again, getting real is often scary. That’s why it’s something I avoided doing for years.
For instance, I was never honest with my parents about how all the emphasis they put on my weight and food choices impacted me. I never told my closest friend how when I visited her house, I found opportunities to sneak into the kitchen for goodies. I could never tell people who seemed interested in me not to waste their time because I didn’t feel good enough to deserve positive attention.
And now all this and more will be coming out, forcing me to do the hard thing and get real.
The funny thing, it’s terrifying to do, but it also opens the door for so many positives. Like being able to have a conversation with my dad about those earlier years, giving him the chance to share his own perspective. Or telling my friend about those raids on her kitchen, and hearing her say it’s okay.
It reminds me of how for so long I wasn’t even honest with myself about my eating, about why I snuck sweets and ate when and what I did. But once I started doing that, brought those fears and wounds and sorrows into the open, they lost their hold on me.
As for my book, I keep thinking about why I want to publish it. It’s not to make money, although that would be a nice side benefit. My real hope is that it will help others move past shame and fear as I did, have the courage to get real – and then to let it go, heal, and find wholeness so they can move on with their lives. It may be asking a lot, but maybe sharing the hope will help make it a reality